Sleep - Where Art Thou?

(Photo: My happy hubby still loves me!)

It's four in the morning and once more my early dawning is making me a tad crazy. I have been sitting in Gilles' chair since 2:30 reading e-mails and playing the odd game of Spider Solitaire. Perhaps I should have popped a pill but when I hit the sack earlier, my body was begging for rest so I thought I would have no problems sleeping. (Sigh) Now I am wide awake.

I haven't eaten much since my last chemo on Thursday - a banana and a plum about completes the menu for the past two days. The steroids, which over the chemo months, have caused me to gain weight, have perhaps decided to give me a break. My appetite seems suppressed for now but I am not worried. (I have a few extra pounds to get me through) I am sure that once the day officially kicks off with some semblance of daylight, then I will soon be snooping in the refrigerator. I just hope the nausea does not return. That's not a pleasant feeling.

My energy level waxes and wanes like the tide. I try to use those waxing moments to think about my blessings. There are many. In fact, I think I will do a quick count right now:

Here Goes:

1) Gilles - who rallies, encourages and is my gatekeeper who offers unconditional love to his whiny-baby bald wife. He is sticking by the deal we made 30 some odd years ago...in sickness and in health. I love him so much.

2) I have a family who loves and supports me in many unique and different ways.

3) I have friends who are like family - they rally and feed us; they pray for us and keep their word. They mean it when they say..."If you need anything..."

4) I have faceless friends on listserves (Inscribe and TWG) who give me moments of pure bliss as they minister to me in beautiful words or fitting scripture, humour and sharing of their own situations and challenges.

5) My CA125 blood levels are heading in the right direction (down!)

6) Treena and Frank's little baby will soon be making an appearance and I can hardly wait - yikes...that means I will be a 'great' Aunt again! Time flies...

7) I serve a God Who is directing my life in an amazing way. I am learning to love deeper, become more forgiving, to show more mercy, to not overreact to the trivial and the things beyond my control and to just know that He is truly in control of every breath I take.

8) Small towns are the best.