Wednesday, December 2, 2009


One of my mother's favourite poets was the famous British versifier - Patience Strong (1907-1990). I love her poetry, too, but more - I love her name. As I think back to my appointment last Thursday at the cancer clinic, I think about the 'patience, strong' that I did not have.

I did not see my own gynecologic-oncologist at the clinic. Sadly he has returned to France to be with his family. I miss him greatly. His professional yet calming presence and gentle French accent was like balm to my soul. He seemed to understand so many of my deep seated emotions and just the way he looked into my eyes, spoke to me of compassion and empathy. I know I was just another patient, but I felt a great bond with him that I am sad to lose.

The team of physicians that are left are good and the one doc who I saw at my appointment was someone who was not a stranger to me. I had seen him on a few other occasions during my chemotherapy. He's very friendly, but somehow I think we have a bit of a personality conflict going on. He's stubborn and so am I. So that doesn't help. Unlike my other sweet doctor, he refuses to do a CA125 blood test at my check ups. He says that if it is elevated, they would not do anything about it until I become symptomatic and it would only cause me stress. Suppressing my urge to reach out and strangle him, I wanted details of his whys and wherefores...and I also wanted him to know how elevated my stress level was because I do not know!

My 'new' doc is very clever, and can talk a blue streak around me with medical jargon, but somehow every time I see him, I leave that place in a state of frustration. Maybe I need to talk to my OC Sisters and find out what kind of follow-up they receive. Maybe I need to reflect and realize that if my CA125 is elevated then that means the chemo did not work. Maybe I need to give this whole frustration thing over to God. Sigh...

The Faith That Moves The Mountains
by Patience Strong
When you know not where to turn, stay still, just where you are.
There is something yet to learn.
Be careful lest you jar the threads that fate is weaving in a pattern you can't see.
Be Passive.
Trust the Hand that works the looms of destiny.
Though it is your wish to set things rightand put things straight,
Choose the wiser way.
Have faith.
With patience watch and wait.
There's a purpose in it all,
as time will surely prove
And when you least expect it,
you will see the mountain move.

1 comment:

Kia Taylor said...

Wow,'re poem complements my latest post...great timing! I get my CA125 checked every four months now along with an internal exam.

I hope you can find peace with your new doc and the situation.

Happy Holiday's!!