My Journey: February 2012

Miss J contemplating imagination.

We have recently discovered that Miss J has some imaginary friends. Miss J is my beautiful granddaughter who is able to win Grandma over with a single bat of the eye! I have the privilege of watching her every Tuesday morning. So this past week I was treated to a special moment. Miss J decided to share the intimate details about her imaginary friends. She has more than one side-kick, it seems. Two are very active although, nameless. One goes by the title - Insiducer (not sure if I have the correct spelling - can't find it in a baby name book!) She told me that her first two [nameless friends] are exactly like her with long, blonde hair and light skin. "Insiducer is longer," she said. She also has darker hair, I was informed. And the very best part about Miss J's imaginary friends, is that there is an imaginary Grandma! Imagine that? How honoured I am that my little cupcake, who was born two days before I went under the knife in 2008, counts a grandma in her band of imaginary friends.

I remember well that day when I counted backwards on the operating table. I recall wondering if I would have the privilege of seeing my little granddaughter grow up. And Mr. T, my grandson and Miss J's big brother, was a whopping two and a half years old at the time. He and I had spent many hours together since he was born and my heart broke thinking I might not see his smiling face anymore or experience his tiny hands in mine or feel his squashy 'I love you, Grandma' kisses on my cheek.

Mr. T on the right. Mr. L on the left. Listening to the angels, perhaps?

Everything I read and heard about ovarian cancer indicated that I might not survive longer than five years. I tried not to show it, but my heart cried because I longed to experience more of what life was offering me. My son and his new wife one day hoped to fill their home with the pitter patter of little feet, too. I ached to be around for that.

Then it happened. My darling Mr.L with the hauntingly gorgeous, blue eyes was born a little over a year later to my son and daughter in law. Mr. L's energy level inspires me to laugh out loud everytime I see him. How his impish grin warms the cockles of my heart. And when he takes a breather to kiss his ol' grandma, I walk on a cloud.

So here I am three years and four months after the fact...one year and 8 months to go, then I will be declared cancer-free! On that day, I want to go out to celebrate. I want to be around all of my family at one time. I want to kiss them and hug them and thank them and love them.

I thank God every day for the lessons I learned during my cancer journey. I thank God for my family, for my friends and especially for my grandbabies. But most, I thank God that He has declared my life 'not quite full' so I get to play it again for a while longer.