Write What You Know? No!

Journal Entry poem - Thursday July 17th 2008

Obviously I was having a heated debate with God as this poem implies. The last part of this entry, right before I wrote the poem says: My head feels a little 'tight,' but hasn't quite made it to a headache yet! I had oft complained about not having time to write. God was certainly prodding me in an interesting direction with my words. And there I was kicking and screaming all the way.

God
Have You released me to write?
Why don't I listen to my heart?
To You? To Gilles? To Fran?
Rejoice in the time you have, You say?
I know I prayed for more time to write;
But do You really want me to write about
Cancer?
"Write what you know," they say.
But I don't know anything
About the 'C' word;
Button my lip, You softly smile
You will learn soon.
Write. . .write. . .write
Right. . .right. . .right
Bounce along the papyrus

FAÇADE

Journal Entry poem. Wednesday, July 16th, 2008.

I was frustrated with the nefarious cancer that had silently pervaded my organs and had crept into my life, consuming cells and forcing my existence into a whirlwind of questions and decisions. I think the chemo was wreaking havoc on my brain.  As I read through the journal entry that accompanied this poem, I sensed that God was helping me peel away the façade and making me seek within. Then rise and conquer. . .

Peel away the plastic;
Revealing layers
Protective strata of

Insecurity, apologies, fear, busyness
Misdirected anger; hopelessness.
An inspirational attitude
Undergirds failings .
OUT DARN SPOT!
Make your resting
Nesting place elsewhere
Unwelcome banners waft
In the windless frenzy
Search within. . .
Stinking, sulphuric plastic
Let it burn.
Raw emotion beckons familiarity;                                                                                
I can see clearly now the pain is gone.
God revealed.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

A Piece of My Heart

I was sorting out some shelves in my bedroom last weekend and came across the journals that I'd penned as I was going through my chemotherapy. After a few deep breaths, I dove in. I was curious trying to recall my emotions at the time. I wrote much and I cannot believe how I poured my heart onto the pages of this little book during that time.

Each night, before I nod off into never-never land I have a little read. I've discovered, as I relived many bittersweet moments of that traumatic time, that much of the emotion that perhaps I couldn't put into declarative strings of words, turned out better as I attempted poetry.

For the next little while, I'm going to post some of the poems I wrote. . .

Sunday, July 13th, I have trouble falling asleep and I relive the chemo treatment three days prior -

In enemy territory I tremble
Too near, I feel the foe approaching.
Poison courses through my veins
And the pain journey commences.
At first it is slow, almost teasing
Then the burning begins
Then desolation.
I sit, motionless willing it to cease.
But the battle rages on.
Insidious in motion
Obvious in effect
Then I hear a trumpet;
Not a brassy pitch; moreso a gentle reminder
Sweet sounds
Jesus is near
Jesus can hear
Jesus is ready for battle
The soul - my soul
Is no longer in jeopardy.
I sleep.