Cookie Matters

This might sound a tad cliché or even a little corny, but one of my favourite moments is when I am baking cookies with Trenton.

My sweet little grandson loves to help crack the eggs and mix the ingredients. When he is there to help out in the kitchen, cookie baking becomes a whole different experience.

When I am alone mixing up the dough, I am focussed on the task and my goal is to get the cookies baked to perfection. But when Trenton is with me, I am much more focussed on our relationship than on perfect cookies.

We have fun picking out the eggshells and giggling at the mess on the counter. Snitching a taste of chocolate chips and then Grandma pretending to chastise, sends my little three year old grandson into the most contagious laughter imaginable. My heart melts faster than the chocolate chips, and I am not one bit worried about a perfect cookie.

Too many times I have worried and fussed about life matters that don't really matter. I have fallen into the trap of not fully comprehending the tyranny of the urgent. Society has dictated my day and before I know it, I was in the eye of the storm being tossed to and fro.

Over this past year as I have battled cancer, I have come to realize that perfect cookies are not the answer. It doesn't matter if my life contains a bit of eggshell. I will survive. What matters is that I spend time in relationships and realizing that God did not create me with a straight line for a mouth. I have muscles to make me smile and the ability to laugh that can perhaps lift hearts and definitely seal memories.

I don't suppose that Trenton will want to make cookies when he is 16, but I am sure hoping that he remembers the precious moments with Grandma in the kitchen. This Grandma sure won't be forgetting any time soon!

Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased. for Christ's love for you was like sweet perfume (or freshly baked cookies**) to him. Ephesians 5:2 TLB

**my interpretation!

(Here is Trenton's and my favourite cookie recipe!)

Cowboy CookiesIngredients:

2 cups of brown sugar 1 cup of shortening

2 eggs ½ tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. of vanilla 2 cups of flour

1 tsp. soda ½ tsp. salt

1 pkg. of chocolate chips 2 cups of oatmeal

Method:

Cream sugar and shortening. Add egg and vanilla and mix well. Mix all dry ingredients together in order except chocolate chips and oatmeal. Mix the dry ingredients with the creamed batter. Add the chocolate chips and the oatmeal. Roll in balls and flatten with a fork. Bake in 350 degree oven for about 8-10 minutes. I always slightly under bake these.

Clinging Tight

The news is good. The ultrasound report says that the bladder is negative for signs of cancer. Thank you sweet Jesus!

At all times and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father. Ephesians 5:20

I am rejoicing in this good news and clinging tight to Jesus (and my precious family) as I journey on.

How grateful I am for family and friends. Life is so short. I have so many people in my life who are as precious as gold. If you are reading this, you are one of them. Thanks for caring so much about me.

I am breathing a big sigh of relief at this great news, although the doc is sending off another 'sample' for microscopic examination to determine the cause of the bleeding. More waiting, but things are looking good for this grandma who has hereby decided to begin collecting hugs. Anyone have any to spare?

Time

More waiting. More patience required. There seems to be a little blip on the

(ultrasound) radar so I have to wait until the doc reads the report to find out the next move. Meanwhile, I try my best to stop biting my nails. They say that patience is a virtue...I'm not feeling all that virtuous right now but I know I have much to be thankful for so I will cast my energy in that direction.

God is bigger!

The Journey Continues

Some days I wonder. Today is no exception. What I am wondering right now is why this is happening. I got a call from the doctor's office. I was hoping I would not get a call, for when I spoke last week to my lovely doctor, she said, ' no news would be good news' and the blood in the urine was likely only a bladder infection. She popped me a prescription for an antibiotic and that was supposed to do the trick. But she would send my sample off for further investigation. Culture and sensitivity, I supposed.

My sweet nurse called a few hours ago to tell me to stop taking the antibiotic and said I should contact the hospital to book a convenient time for an ultrasound this week. I did. I asked if Casey would be there on Wednesday. The receptionist said yes. I was glad because Casey was the gal who was first on the scene when my ovarian cancer was initially discovered. For sentimental reasons I wanted Casey on the job again. So I am going Wednesday to see what's up? I feel so emotional and am looking heavenward with a barrel full of questions.

I suddenly feel fatigued and drained. But that is okay. I guess I have a few more lessons to learn about trusting and relying on the Creator of all things wise and wonderful! Sigh. Off to bed.

Heart Felt

I awoke this morning with a start. A crushing pain in the left side of my chest caused me to gasp and shudder. My breathing seemed irregular and it was all I could do to complete an inspiration without the cutting pain. My instinct told me to roll over and wallop my sleeping spouse. Perhaps 911 was the order of the day although I was thinking of a million reasons not to end up in emergency on a Monday morning. I moaned and groaned inwardly for about forty five minutes with the pain ebbing and flowing and causing me to wonder if I was imagining the whole thing.

Eventually I gently touched my stirring hubby and told him what was up. I asked him to get me some Advil, because I was thinking (and praying) it was a muscular issue that was taking my breath away. I stayed in bed for about fifteen more minutes to let the medication settle in to work mode.

As I did, I thought about all the wretched side effects of my chemotherapy. I am convinced that this was another episode of such. I cannot believe the different person that I have become physically since being diagnosed with cancer. It seems that wretched bitter sweet poison has depleted so many areas of my body and I wonder if I will ever be the same again.

Then I shifted my thought processes over to God and to what His plan might be. Then I thought about the power of prayer and where that notion has taken me. Then finally I remembered the words on that stone tablet in my livingroom - Trust Me, my Child...I have it all under control...love God.

The pain in my chest eventually disappeared and the rest of the day could be described as relatively normal, all things considered.

So for this day, I am thankful. I await the sunrise tomorrow.

More Good News!

I was in the doctor's office today. The bad news is...I am a lumpy person. The good news is the ultrasound said that this recent lump on my ribs is 'by all appearances' a lipoma which, loosely translated, means a benign tumour. I have a couple of the wretched things already on my arm and leg and had one mighty blighter removed a few years ago, but this nasty little critter on my rib, made an appearance a few months after the end of my chemo so I was suspicious. Needless to say, after learning the news today, I am jigging and gyrating (in my chair.)


They say lipomas can occur in many animals, too, and are most common in older dogs, particularly older Labrador Retrievers, Doberman Pinschers and Miniature Schnauzers.

Maybe I have been hanging around with my dog, Chloe, too much - although she is a German Shepherd. Maybe I am just an old dog and won't admit it. Nevertheless, I am wagging my tail tonight! Grin. Night! Night! Philippians 3:13




(Photo: Pretty Chloe.)

Chemo Brain

Today is the one year anniversary of my surgery -"salpingo-bilateral oopherectomy & hysterectomy." Say that fast five times.

It seems there are lots of anniversaries playing around in my mind of late. I was wondering if there is something amiss or is this a normal thought pattern? I can't figure out why cancer consumes me. It's not as if I have nothing better to do or think about. Cancer is always there. But then, when I think of cancer, I think of Jesus and I think of what a difference He has made in my life. Maybe cancer is my thorn...

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.”
Hmmm... 2 Corinthians 12:7

And then there are times when my brain is a little addled. I don't seem to be able to remember things like I should sometimes. I know some people laugh at me and maybe think I am a bit of a dimwit, but I am convinced that I have chemo brain. I have done a little checking with some of my new friends who have had chemotherapy, and it has certainly come to my attention (and to my relief) that I am not alone. I have also done some research online about 'chemo brain.' Guess what? It's a real affliction. Here's a snippet that I found interesting on a medical forum:

"Doctors pump the body full of harmful chemicals in an attempt to kill off the cancerous cells, but the treatment is not a very targeted one. Apart form the well-known side effects of hair loss, nausea and fatigue, cognitive impairment is now becoming increasingly studied. Dubbed “Chemo Brain,” many chemotherapy patients feel disconnected from their pre-treatment state. People who have chemo-brain may find themselves unable to concentrate on their work, or unable to juggle multiple tasks. Some find they don’t remember things as well as they used to."

So we tally forth and face the music - with or without the same amount of functioning gray matter. For any of you who may be wondering about this chemo brain affliction, and want to listen to a little longer presentation check out this video.

This is a presentation by Dr. Christine Korol of the Alberta Cancer Board about the cognitive changes that can occur during cancer treatment.

Sunshine Friends

Frannie, Rick, Gilles and yours truly dining out in Stratford last night. Fran and Rick are our sweet friends from Florida. Fran was my long distance, near in heart - friend who prayed, cried and spoke sweet words of encouragement to me as I submitted to my taxol/carboplatin battle. Joy and bliss prevailed as we all managed to squeeze in a little time out of our busy schedules to simply enjoy life together for a moment.

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One Year

(Photo: Happy First Birthday Jocelyn!

With Birthday cake evidence on your chin!)

Joy. May 26th.,2009. Jocelyn is one year old today. What a blessing it is to celebrate with her on her special day.

Exactly one year ago today there had been so many 'what ifs.' Amanda was great with child and she was already a couple of days overdue. I was still trying to make sense out of my ovarian cancer diagnosis. My surgery was scheduled for Wednesday, May 28th. Was I going to be able to be with Amanda when her second little gift arrived? What if I would be too out of it to hold my grandbaby? What if the cancer had spread dramatically? What if I didn't make it? Could I even dare hope that I would see my dear new little granddaughter's first birthday?

Amanda's midwife was not on call on the weekend so she was praying that Jocelyn would wait and be delivered on Monday, May 26th. I wanted at least one day to treasure our new little grandbaby before I went under the sharp knife, so I, too, was praying for Amanda to go into labour on the Monday.

God was so good. He heard our prayers. And that was precisely what happened. Amanda went into hospital around 1pm on Monday, and ended up having Jocelyn at 3:30pm. And I was able to be there to share the moment. That was a wonderful distraction for me and a precious sight to behold. I will be forever grateful for that gift.

I love it when my plans work out to be just like God's. That doesn't always happen, but I trust Him completely to be the wiser One!

So now, one year later, I rejoice, and am still filled with awe at how God was at work. I have learned to treasure the moments and I continue to try to leave the rest up to Him. Did I mention I also count my blessings daily?

Today, though, I am focussing on one amazing blessing in pink! Happy Birthday Missy Moo. Grandma loves you...x

Dancing in the Street!

Okay, so maybe I am not physically boogy-woogying so much, but the news I received from the London Cancer Clinic yesterday was reason for my spirit to do the tango!

My CA125 - the marker for Ovarian Cancer has dropped to 8 - well within the normal range (normal is 0-35.) Prior to my chemo it was a whopping 1500 plus, so this is a far cry from where I was and I am rejoicing. I know the doc was reluctant to do the test last week at my checkup, lest it be elevated and I become stressed. But I was prepared to deal with what came my way. Thank you Jesus for this new lease on life.

I know I am not considered cancer free yet, but I sure am happy that I had the blood test and things look hopeful. I journey on now (albeit a little slower than before) and remember my "sisters" who are not quite as joyful about their blood levels. I will always be a voice for ovarian cancer and I pray I can find opportunities to tell others about this so called whispering disease.

So what's next on the trip? I guess my participation on the Sunflower Seeds Team as we walk to help raise both funds and awareness about ovarian cancer.

I still await the results from the ultrasound of the little lump on my rib. But I am not too worried about that. It's not the first benign lump found on my body! Sigh.

Meanwhile I am chin up and hands heavenward rejoicing where I am today. x